Thank you for calling Utopia Automotive Service. Please
listen carefully to the following menu:

Press 1 to schedule an appointment for your car.

Press 2 to have your car seen immediately.

Press 3 to speak directly to a mechanic.

Press 4 to obtain the mechanic's home telephone number.

Press 5 to tell the receptionist or service advisor your life history, as well as your car's.

Press 6 to yell at the receptionist or service advisor.

Press 7 to yell at the mechanic.

Press 8 to disagree with the mechanic's diagnosis or repair because you read something different on the Internet.

Press 9 to ask the same question 30 times just in case the answer might change.

Press 10 if your feel your car's oil change is more important
than the engine replacement the mechanic is currently working on.

Press 11 if your car's condition has persisted for 6 months, but has suddenly become an emergency and needs to be seen today because you are going on vacation in the morning.

Press 12 if your car has been leaking gasoline for 10 days and you have just now become concerned at 11 PM on a Saturday night.

Press 13 if you declined all diagnostics and/or repairs, but are now furious with us that your car is rapidly deteriorating.

Press 14 to describe your car's horrible condition, ask us to determine whether an emergency visit is warranted and then attempt to convince us that it is not as bad as we think and can wait until next week.

Press 15 if your car hasn't run in 3 weeks, you are just now concerned, don't have time to come to the garage, and want a free blind diagnosis and repair plan over the phone.

Press 16 to demand IMMEDIATE repairs, but you would like us to hold your check until next month.

Press 17 if you are going to bring in your brand new Escalade for $5,000 worth of warranty repairs which (naturally) have 'nothing to do' with you driving with the emergency brake on, and then decline the oil change it is 10,000 miles overdue for.
posted by 123454321 at 11:59 PM