They say the Devil's greatest trick was convincing people he doesn't exist- Perhaps God's greatest feat, then, was convincing people he does.
posted by 123454321 at 3:50 PM

Christina -By John carter

Damn you.

Damn you for loving me.

Damn you for coming back into my mediocre, livable, comfortable little life and making it seem so incredibly empty.

Damn you for making me feel this way, like I've wasted these years we've been apart, and like I haven't been a whole person since you left.

Damn you for being the only person I could ever love, and for leaving and making me feel unlovable.

But Thank You.

Thank you for coming back.

Thank you for bringing this new light into my world, and making it all bright and
shiny again.

Thank you for being there when I needed to talk to someone, and never making me feel like my problems were too small or too large.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you.
posted by 123454321 at 10:49 AM

Find Your Warped Personality


this quiz was made by mysti


posted by 123454321 at 7:38 AM

I never thought I would be thrust into your life again.

I abandoned you like I never should have. I had something you didn't and I don't know how, but I let you go because I thought you didn't want me anymore. Truth be told, I could never make it without you. I don't know if I let you see that weakness in me that you draw out like blood into a tube, if you could taste my nervous breath when you looked into my eyes, if you could smell the smile I tried to hide when I watched you wave goodbye. But the weakness was there for your taking.

Maybe you saw it, and didn't want it.

I remember a tearful discussion one night while we were both holding each other on this wall of sanity, and the heartbreaking words you told me, even though it was what we both needed. I don't know what hurt me worse; that you were giving up on that chance, or that you knew I couldn't make you happy. All I want to do is kiss your emotional wounds and nurse you back into the strong, amazing woman I know you are inside.

When I heard your voice for the first time in so long, I thought I could feel you smile. I wonder if your heart skipped a beat.

Am I putting my heart out just to have it stepped on one last time? At least I will know sooner because unlike the rest of the people in my life, you are the only one that has never lied to me. You tell me exactly what is going on, what you're feeling, and why. I never had to question you.

I feel so strongly now that I have a chance again. We're both different people; we're both stronger, we're both older, we've both been through drama and roller coasters of emotion and lust. We've both been burned; but we've both healed.

Maybe this time, we can put out the fire together. Maybe that smile you give to me has a message behind it that I didn't catch before. Maybe you see me differently.

You can't write a love song if you've never had your heart broken. But now, even with the haunting, sticky residue of bandages I have used, my still tender but strongly beating heart is ready to try writing that love song. I've cried. I've hurt. And I know how to do things right this time.

I hope you can see it in my eyes when I look at you. I hope I can feel you again.

The emotionless Devil in me shattered when I heard your voice. That love song is playing in my head and I hope and pray that you can hear it too.

posted by 123454321 at 4:06 PM

we drove the car to the top of the parking ramp
on the 4th of july
we sat out on the hood with a couple of warm beers
and watched the fireworks explode in the sky
and there was an exodus of birds from the trees
but they didn't know we were only pretending
and the people all looked up and looked pleased
and the birds flew around like the whole world was ending
and I don't think war is noble
and I don't like to think that love is like war
but I got a big hot cherry bomb, and I want to slip it through the mail slot
of your front door

you can't leave me here
I've got your back now
you'd better have mine
cause you say the coast is clear
but you say that all the time

so many sheep I quit counting
sleepless and embarrassed about the way that I feel
trying to make mole hills out of mountains
building base camp at the bottom of a really big deal
and did I tell you how I stopped eating
when you stopped calling me
and I was cramped up shifting rivers for weeks
and pretending that I was finally free

and you can't leave me here
now that you're back
you'd better stay this time
cause you say the coast is clear
but you say that all the time

we drove the car to the top of the parking ramp,
on the 4th of july
and I planted my dusty boots on the bumper
and sat out on the hood, and looked up at the sky

-Ani Difranco


posted by 123454321 at 3:31 PM

If Only - By John Carter

If only I can just hold on
Maybe you won't leave again
But clinging to you
Only pushes you away

Maybe if I hold back
I won't worry you this time
If I hide my scary love for you
You'll settle down to stay

But hiding love just kills it
It won't thrive in the dark
Its blossoms shed their petals
And the roots dry up and die

Without your shining light
This love will never last
And it will kill my spirit with it
Every time I hear your sigh

For time is not a healer
My pain only grew worse
And silence is not the answer
When all I need is your song

If I cannot show all my love
I won't show any at all
If only you'd show me yours
I'll love you everlong.



posted by 123454321 at 10:17 AM

Politicalamity

Wars 'n rumors
Of wars, no one knows what for
Toys and soldiers
Deployed, on some foreign shore
Lords and rulers
Destroy, diplomatic rapport

Communists, dictatorships
Democracies, hypocrisies
Ask not what your country can do?
To a one world governmental zoo

POLITICAL, POLITICAL
POLITICALAMITY
IT'S AN-AR-CHY
POLITICAL, POLITICAL
POLITICALAMITY

Rich 'n poor
Salute your country's colors
Less is more
When one oppresses the other
Pride 'n power
Decorated upon collars

Donkeys, bears 'n elephants
All paper-trained on parliament
Ask not what your country can do?
To a one world governmental zoo

-Extreme

posted by 123454321 at 7:47 AM

God Isn't Dead

Ah, look at all
the lonely people,
losing faith,
in a world
full of despair,
no one who cares,
wondering where
GOD disappeared

I see the pain
in everybody's faces
asking why,
the GOD up in the sky,
didn't say goodbye,
please tell me,
GOD didn't die

PLEASE TELL ME
GOD ISN'T DEAD
PLEASE TELL ME
GOD ISN'T DEAD
PLEASE TELL ME
GOD ISN'T
I WANT TO KNOW
IF HE'S
TELL ME
GOD ISN'T
PLEASE TELL ME
GOD ISN'T DEAD
I WANT TO KNOW

posted by 123454321 at 7:41 AM

Hole Hearted


Life's ambition occupies my time
Priorities confuse the mind
Happiness one step behind
This inner peace I've yet to find

Rivers flow into the sea
Yet even the sea is not so full of me
If I'm not blind why can't I see
That a circle can't fit
Where a square should be

There's a hole in my heart
That can only be filled by you
And this hole in my heart
Can't be filled with the things I do

Hole hearted
Hole hearted

This heart of stone is where I hide
These feet of clay kept warm inside
Day by day less satisfied
Not fade away before I die

Rivers flow into the sea
Yet even the sea is not so full of me
If I'm not blind why can't I see
That a circle can't fit
Where a square should be

There's a hole in my heart
That can only be filled by you
And this hole in my heart
Can't be filled with the things I do

Hole hearted
Hole hearted

There's a hole in my heart
That can only be filled by you
Should have known from the start
I'd fall short with the things I do

posted by 123454321 at 7:32 AM

I'll Pray- By John Carter

Do you remember the simple times
They didn't seem so simple then
I only dreamt of loving you
While you just dreamt of finding zen

But those times are gone now
I can't say that I miss them
I never thought that I'd feel
That same old way again

Now that you're back
There's no running away
Now that you're here
I'm gonna live for today
I'm not a praying man
But I'll pray on this day
More than anything else
I just pray that you'll stay

There was some catatonic haze
Flowing between our little ears
But we knew we had it right
We thought everything was clear

And there was no feeling in our teenage hearts
That couldn't be put into a mix tape
We thought true love meant other peoples' words
That didn't quite say what we meant to say

Now that you're back
There's no running away
Now that you're here
I'm gonna live for today
I'm not a praying man
But I'll pray on this day
More than anything else
I just pray that you'll stay

I still can't believe my foolish luck
That led me here with you
But I'll take it for what it is
A precious love
That was strong enough
To come true

posted by 123454321 at 9:32 PM

"Intuition"

Everybody's been in my face
tellin' me I gotta make a change
all I ever hear day and night is "you better hurry up and get
a life"
I need some direction - 'cause the clock is ticking away
then a friend of a friend of mine
says I've really been on her mind
wants to go out and check out what the feelin's about
says we have a deep connection - well it sure is news to me
and all can I say is
intuition tells me how to live my day
intuition tells me when to walk away
could have turned left
could have turned right
but I ended up here
bang in the middle of real life

then another one always says - she'd do anything to get ahead
she doesn't care if she has to scratch and claw to get in the
door
she wants her 15 minutes of fame and 20 would be nice
but I guess it's her life
'cause intuition tells me that I'm doin' fine
intuition tells me when to draw the line
could have turned left
could have turned right
but I ended up here
bang in the middle of real life

should have turned left but I turned right
and I ended up here and I feel alright
you make it hard for me
can't find the real you
you really think that I can't see
what it is that you're going to do

-Natalie Imbruglia
posted by 123454321 at 7:35 PM

"Last Train Home"


To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all part of the choices that you make
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know whats going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

Well we sing if we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing if it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason to ever fall in love

But we sing
If we're going no where
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing with out a reason to never fall in love
To never fall in love again

-Lostprophets
posted by 123454321 at 7:31 PM

“The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love.' It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life.” -Lydia M. Child
posted by 123454321 at 9:24 AM

More- By John Carter

The decisions we make
Are the chances we take
And the promises we break
In-between

The laughter we share
Is the sign that we care
But we're half unaware
Of what it means

The silence is old
And the glory is cold
When we've already sold
What we fought for

But there's always tomorrow
To shake off the sorrow
We beg, steal, and borrow
For more.



posted by 123454321 at 1:24 PM

Each Kiss- By John Carter

I've spent so much time
So much effort,
So much love
On a dying dream sublime,
Where I'm tethered
To this love

In a sullen dark depression
Over what I couldn't have
And a slow fading obsession
On the brink of going mad

A sinking ship of doubt
Pressing on
Into the night
With nobody bailing out
Sailing on
Without a fight

But now my love has come around
What was pain now is bliss
What I lost has now been found
And I'll know happiness with each kiss.
posted by 123454321 at 8:38 AM

Fuel

They were digging a new foundation in Manhattan
They discovered a slave cemetery there
And may their souls rest easy now that lynching has been frowned upon
And we've moved on to the electric chair

And I wonder who's gonna be president
Tweedle dum or tweedle dumber?
And who's gonna have the big
Blockbuster box office
This summer
How 'bout we put up a wall
Between the houses and the highway
And then you can go your way
And I can go my way

Except all the radios agree with all the TVs
And all the magazines agree with all the radios
And I keep hearing that same damn song
Everywhere I go
Maybe I should put a bucket over my head
And a marshmallow in each ear
And stumble around for another dumb numb week
For another hum drum hit song to appear

People used to make records
As in a record of event
The event of people
Playing music in a room
Now everything is cross - marketing
It's about sunglasses and shoes
Or guns or drugs
You choose

We got it rehashed
We got it half - assed
We're digging up all the graves
And we're spitting on the past
And we can choose between the colors
Of the lipstick on the whores
Cuz we know difference
Between the font of twenty percent more
And the font of teriyaki
You tell me
How does it make you feel?
You tell me what's real

And they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics
Even when they're as dry as my lips for years
Even when they're stranded on a small desert island
With no place in two thousand miles to buy beer
And I wonder is he different is he different
Has he changed
What he's about
Or is he just a liar
With nothing to lie about
I'm headed for the same brick wall
Is there anything I can do
About anything at all

Except go back to that corner in manhattan
And dig deeper
Dig deeper this time
Down beneath the impossible pain of our history
Beneath unknown bones
Beneath the bedrock of the mystery
Beneath the sewage system an the path train
Beneath the cobblestones and the water main
Beneath the traffic of friendships and street deals
Between the screeching of kamikaze cab wheels
Beneath everything I can think of to think about
Beneath it all
Beneath all get out
Beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel
There's a fire just waiting for fuel

-Ani Difranco

posted by 123454321 at 7:07 AM

Iguana: The other green meat.
posted by 123454321 at 6:46 AM

The First Cut Is The Deepest

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And she's taken just all that I had
But if you want, I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
When it comes to loving me she's versed

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
When it comes to loving me she's versed

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'Cause if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
When it comes to being lucky she's cursed
When it comes to loving me she's versed

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
Try to love again...

-Cat Stevens
posted by 123454321 at 8:57 AM

Animal


more and more there is this animal
looking out through my eyes
at all the traffic on the road to nowhere
at all the shiny stuff around to buy
at all the wires in the air
at all the people shopping
for the same blank stare
at america the drastic
that isolated geographic
that's become infested with millionaires

when you grow up surrounded
by willful ignorance
you have to believe
mercy has its own country
and that it's round and borderless
and then you have to grow wings
and rise above it all
like there
where that hawk is circling
above that strip mall

more and more there is this animal
looking out through my eyes
seeing that animals only take from this world
what they need to survive
but she is prowling through all the religions of men
seeing that time and time and time again
their gods have made them
special and above
nature's law
and the respect thereof

and i think when you grow up surrounded
by willful ignorance
you have to believe that mercy has its own country
and that it's round and borderless
and then you just grow wings
and rise above it all
like there where that hawk is circling
above that strip mall

ask any eco-system
harm here is harm there
and there and there
and aggression begets aggression
it's a very simple lesson
that long preceded any king of heaven
and there's this brutal imperial power
that my passport says i represent
but it will never represent where my heart lives
only vaguely where it went

cuz i know when you grow up surrounded
by willful ignorance
you learn that mercy has its own country
and that it's round and borderless
and then you just grow wings
and rise above it all
like there
where that hawk is circling
above that strip mall

-Ani Difranco
posted by 123454321 at 8:00 AM

So Unsexy

Oh these little rejections, how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections, how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday, I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again, am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me


-Alanis Morrissette

posted by 123454321 at 7:33 AM

I Know- By John Carter

My hands didn't scribe
These scars on my chest
That somehow passed
Through my bulletproof vest

My eyes couldn't see
The truth deep inside
The sadness and pain
That you tried to hide

I acted so surprised
But I knew all along
You thought I was fooled
But baby, you were wrong

I know
All the things you did
I found
All the truth you hid
I heard
Every lie you said
And I'm tired of trying to work it out

I saw
All the times you cried
I felt
All the fear inside
Your pain
Hurt me too,
Until something in me died

I'm not God,
I don't have the power
To take away all
These lonely hours

I never wished
For you to cry
But you know by now
I just can't lie

I know you're hurt
I know it's hard
But you've made it
This far

I know
All the things you did
I found
All the truth you hid
I heard
Every lie you said
And I'm tired of trying to work it out

I saw
All the times you cried
I felt
All the fear inside
Your pain
Hurt me too,
Until something in me died
posted by 123454321 at 10:33 AM

Precious Illusions

you'll rescue me right? in the exact same way they never did..
I'll be happy right? when your healing powers kick in

you'll complete me right? then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? only when you realize the gem I am?

but this won't work now the way it once did
and I won't keep it up even though I would love to
once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim

these precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

this ring will me yet as will you knight in shining armor
this pill will help me yet as will these girls gone through like water

but this won't work as well as the way it once did
cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
and though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim

these precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
and parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode

-Alanis Morrissette


posted by 123454321 at 7:48 AM

21 Things I Want in a Lover

do you derive joy when someone else succeeds? do you not play dirty when engaged in competition? do you have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
do you see everything as an illusion? but enjoy it even though you are not of it?
are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware? and don't believe in capital
punishment?

these are 21 things that I want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny? à la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

these are 21 things that I want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
these are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
there are no worries and certainly no pressure
in the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week? up for being experimental?are you athletic? are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?

...curious and communicative...


-Alanis Morrissette

posted by 123454321 at 7:50 PM

Kiss The Rain

Hello.
Can you hear me?
Am I gettin through to you?
Hello.
As of lately there's a laughter on the line.
Are you sure you're there alone?
Cause I'm trying to explain
something's wrong.
You just don't sound the same.
Why don't you, why don't you
go outside, go outside,
Kiss the rain,
whenever you need me.
Kiss the rain,
whenever i'm gone too long.
if your lips feel lonely and thirsty
kiss the rain
and wait for the dawn
keep in mind
we're under the same sky
and the night's as empty for me as for you.
If you feel you can't wait till morning,
kiss the rain.
Kiss the rain.
Kiss the rain.
Hello.
Do you miss me?
I hear you say you do,
but not the way i'm missing you.
What's new?
How's the weather?
Is it stormy where you are?
Cause i'm so close but it feels like you're so far.
Oh would it mean anything
if you knew what i'm left imagining
in my my mind, in my mind.
Would you go, would you go
Kiss the rain?
and just fall over me
think of me, think of me, think of me.
only me!
kiss the rain
whenver you need me
kiss the rain
whenever i'm gone too long
if your lips feel hungry and tempted
kiss the rain
and wait for the dawn
keep in mind
we're under the same sky
and the night's as empty for me as for you
if you feel you can't wait till morning,
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
if you feel you can't wait til morning
kiss the rain
kiss the rain....
kiss the rain
kiss the rain....
Hello.
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?

-Billie Myers
posted by 123454321 at 10:49 AM

Telling stories

There is fiction in the space between
The lines on your page of memories
Write it down but it doesn't mean
You're not just telling stories

There is fiction in the space between
You and reality
You will do and say anything
To make your everyday life
Seem less mundane
There is fiction in the space between
You and me

There's a science fiction in the space between
You and me
A fabrication of a grand scheme
Where I am the scary monster
I eat the city and as I leave the scene
In my spaceship I am laughing
In your remembrance of your bad dream
There's no one but you standing

Leave the pity and the blame
For the ones who do not speak
You write the words to get respect and compassion
And for posterity
You write the words and make believe
There is truth in the space between

There is fiction in the space between
You and everybody
Give us all what we need
Give us one more sad sordid story
But in the fiction of the space between
Sometimes a lie is the best thing
Sometimes a lie is the best thing

-Tracy Chapman
posted by 123454321 at 10:37 AM

Rosary -By John carter

A diamond is worthless in the dark
A fire is nothing without a spark
And I am lost without you here
I'll do anything to draw you near

Come home to me
And know inside
I'm everything
You've tried to hide

I'm love, I'm hate
I'm sympathy
I'm just a sinner's
Rosary...
posted by 123454321 at 10:31 AM

Time -By John Carter

The clock is watching me. It judges me, in everything I do. It torments me with every tick, it taunts with each tock. It reminds me only that I have a limited time here, and it is pleased with my discomfort. It is arbitrary. It moves when it likes, stops when it wants to. It drags its weary feet as I toil, and skips daintily while I sleep. Yet I obey its every command, coming and going in accordance with its wishes, waking when it tells me to, sleeping when it demands it of me. The clock? The clock is merely an assemblance of mechanical bits, the clock does not torment me. I blame the clock, but it is time itself which aggravates me so. Time struts across my heavy heart, it kicks my soul with every step, and someday it shall dance upon my cold, barren grave. But until then, I will snub my nose at time, for it has no longer has a power over me.
posted by 123454321 at 3:29 PM

"I prefer a life of sin followed by death bed repentance..."
posted by 123454321 at 10:50 AM

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! What A Ride!"



posted by 123454321 at 10:49 AM

Rock, Paper, Scissors

It's rock, paper, scissors as to whether
I will get over you at all
It's hand against hand, and both hands are mine
It's standing in a circular line

Which is not to say that I'm not also happy
A happy meal with a surprise inside
Surprise, surprise, here's another bright light in your eyes
Exposing all the stuff you're not calculating enough to hide

This melancholy that I carry makes me feel so grown up
At my kitchen table doing shots of resignation
I never thought I'd see the day when I would say I give up
And break the stallions of my wildest expectations

But I do not want to know you this way
Surrounded by so much pain
But how am I supposed to let go of you this way
Like a bird into the sky of my brain?

I learned I could accept all these dark colors
As just part of some bigger color scheme
if it wasn't for that drippy string quartet of sadness
Underscoring each smiling scene

Desire drags me right out of myself
Like a gas soaked rope tied to a piece of coal
I'm getting pretty good at looking at the bright side
While the flames rip along the sand and swallow me whole

But this melancholy that I carry makes me feel so grown up
At my kitchen table doing shots of resignation
I never thought I'd see the day when I would say I give up
And break the stallions of my wildest expectations

But I do not want to know you this way
Surrounded by so much pain
But how am I supposed to let go of you this way
Like a bird into the sky of my brain?

-Ani Difranco

posted by 123454321 at 9:49 AM

Rant of the day:

What's with guys getting caught by their wives with another woman's lipstick on their collars? Do these women just walk up and wipe their faces on the man's shirt? And the hairs! Do all unmarried women shed, or something?? Single women mark their territory! Thats the only plausible answer. They mark their territory as clearly as a cat or a dog or a hawk. Don't you think cats spray the furniture for a reason? Don't you think maybe somewhere, right now, a cat is coming home and her mate is saying, "Gee honey, you sure do smell like Ralph's urine tonight... EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" Either that, or all single women have some hidden desire to be circus clowns... that's why they have so much make-up on that it comes off on you if you come within 10 yards of them...
posted by 123454321 at 1:27 PM

I need a hug.
posted by 123454321 at 10:24 PM

It occurs to me now, in moments of reflection, that perhaps the worst pain comes from hurting others, especially those you love. There is nothing worse than telling someone that a relationship they truly believed would last forever is ending, especially when you assured them that all their love would be returned in kind indefinitely. Words exchanged in passion are sometimes meaningless when faced with a truer, more powerful love. It is painful to realize that "love" sometimes has less to do with loving another person as it has to do with loving life with them, enjoying many aspects of existence with them by your side. It hurts so much to realize that you've hurt someone, to realize you’ve been a liar for over a year, telling someone you love only them when your heart was hundreds of miles away all the while, back where you lost it, with your first real love. No one ever gets over the loss of their first love, but some know that, someday, it will return, so they are never truly free until they are with that person again. And now, when it appears that union is once again a possibility, all thoughts of that person you’ve been attaching yourself to vanish. I believe Ani DiFranco put it best in her song, School Night:

she went over to his apartment
clutching her decision
and he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination
and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window
of her reply
and she felt like an actress
just reading her lines
when she finally said
yes. it's really goodbye this time
and far below was the blacktop
and the tiny toy cars
and it all fell so fast
and it all fell so far

and she said:
you are a miracle but that is not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm lookin' for my door key
but you are my porch light

and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is but one of my truths

what of the mother
whose house is in flames
and both of her children
are in their beds crying
and she loves them both
with the whole of her heart
but she knows she can only
carry one at a time?
she's choking on the smoke
of unthinkable choices
she is haunted by the voices
of so many desires
she's bent over from the business
of begging forgiveness
while frantically running around
putting out fires

but then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?
and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is just one of my truths

so i
i'm goin' home
to please the one i so love pleasing
and i don't expect
he'll have much sympathy for my grieving
but i guess that this is the price
that we pay for the privilege
of living for even a day
in a world with so many things
worth believing
in


posted by 123454321 at 1:32 PM

Rant of the day:

Cremate me. Hell, don't bother, leave me where I die. If it's inconvenient, roll me somewhere else. Caskets are designed now to preserve your loved ones for something like ten years. Come on, now. If you're that concerned about preserving me, stuff my corpse and put me on the couch. Make me into a conversation piece, hang your hats on me, put me in the bay window and dress me in funny hats. Dress me like a scarecrow on Halloween. Don't stuff me in a box and bury me somewhere next to some asshole who died from peeing on an electric fence in a lightning storm, and then feel bad on my birthday because you don't visit my body which may or may not actually be there, I mean, did you SEE the guy put me in the ground? Or did you leave because it was "too hard to watch" before I was dropped in? How do you know I'm even IN that box and they didn't just pop the latch, dump me in the hole, and take the casket back to the funeral home to sell again?
Just a thought.


P.S. If you're that worried about preserving me, you'd better kill me now, I'm only gonna get older, uglier, and more cynical...
posted by 123454321 at 9:22 AM

Rant of the day:

Ever been in a public restroom and seen the paper towel dispenser? Yeah, of course. But have you really looked it over, gotten to know it, spent some true "quality" time together? No. But I have. My only question is, why the hell is there an (clearly labeled, mind you) 'emergency feed' dial on the side? What possible situation could require an emergency supply of the lousy, non absorbent lumber they call paper towels? 'Ye GODS, the hand dryers are all broken! Get me paper towels, STAT! What?! The regular lever is out of order? We'll have to use the (GULP!) EMERGENCY FEED!!!'
Really, now. Someone needs to get the paper towel dispenser manufacturers of America a dictionary and a thesaurus. Maybe a voice comes over the restroom intercom once a month, "This is a test of the emergency restroom situation system. 'FLUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!' Had this been an actual emergency, you would have been given instructions to report to the nearest paper towel dispenser and use the 'Emergency Feed' dial on the side to ensure a steady supply line from the roll to your hands. This was only a test."
posted by 123454321 at 3:20 PM

She Runs Away- By Duncan Sheik

You may not see the end of it
But luckily she comes around
It isn't what she talks about
It's just the way she is

..and she says
Ooh darlin' don't you know
The darkness comes and the darkness goes
Ooh babe why don't you let it go?
Happiness ain't never how you think it should be so
I mystified the simple life
I covered up with consciousness
I saw myself and broke it down
'Til nothing more was left
She saw the symptoms right away
And spoke to me in poetry
"Sometimes the more you wonder why
The worse it seems to get"

...and she says
Ooh darlin don't you know
The darkness comes and the darkness goes
Ooh babe why don't you let it go?
Happiness ain't never how you think it should be so
But she runs away
She runs away....

And then you know there comes a time
You need her more than anything
You may believe yours are the wounds
That only she can heal
Then everything will turn around
And she becomes so serious
What she chose to offer you
Was all that you could have

...and she says
Ooh darlin don't you know
The darkness comes and the darkness goes
Ooh babe why don't you let it go?
Happiness ain't never how you think it should be so
But she runs away

posted by 123454321 at 2:59 PM

Goodbye Girl- By Bread, Rerecorded by Hootie and the Blowfish

All your life you've waited
For love to come and stay
And now that I have found you
You must not slip away.

I know its hard believing
The words you've heard before,
But darling, you must trust them
Believe in this once more.

Because baby, goodbye doesn't mean forever.
Let me tell ya goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again.
If you wake up and I'm not there I won't be long away
'cause the things you do my goodbye girl
will bring me back to you.

I know you've been taken afraid to hurt again.
You fight the love you feel for me instead of giving in.
Well, I can wait forever for helping to see
That I was meant for you and you for me.

So remember goodbye
doesn't mean forever.
Let me tell ya goodbye
doesn't mean we'll never be together again.

Though we may be so far apart,
you still would have my heart.
So forget your past, my goodbye girl
'cause now you're home at last.


posted by 123454321 at 9:19 AM

Smoke- By Natalie Imbruglia

My lullaby, hung out to dry
what's up with that
it's over
where are you dad
moms' looking sad
what's up with that
it's dark in here
why bleeding is breathing
you're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room
try, bleeding is believing
I used to

my mouth is dry
forgot how to cry
what's up with that
you're hurting me
I'm running fast
can't hide the past
what's up with that
you're pushing me
why, bleeding is breathing
you're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room
try, bleeding is believing
I used to

why, believing is breathing
you're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room
try, bleeding is believing
I saw you crawling on the floor
why, bleeding is believing
you're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room
why bleeding is believing
I saw you crawling to the door
why, bleeding is believing
you're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room
try, bleeding is believing
I saw you falling on the floor

posted by 123454321 at 10:19 AM

I'm all for the separation of church and hate...
posted by 123454321 at 10:56 PM

On Love, In Sadness- By Jason Mraz

Oh love it's a brittle madness, I sing about it in all my sadness
It's not falsified to say that I found God
so inevitably well, it still exists
Pale and fine, I can't dismiss
And I won't resist
And if I die well at least I tried

And we just lay awake in lust and rust in the rain
And pour over everything we say we trust
It happened again, I listened in thru hallways and thin doors
Where the rivers unwind, rust and in the rain endure.
The rust and the rain are sins
And I'm in like Flynn again

So go on place your order now cause some other time is right around the clock
You can stand in line. it finally begins just around the clock
You can have your pick if your stomach is sick whether you eat or not
And there is just one thing that I never forgot

And we just lay awake in lust and rust in the rain
And pour over everything we say we trust
It happened again, I listened in thru hallways and thin doors
Where the rivers unwind, rust and in the rain so easy
These are the comforts that be

You see well I'm feeling lucky oh well, maybe that's just me
You should be proud of me oh hell if you could only see
That we're gonna grow on up to be, ah yes
We are thick as thieves

Oh love it's a brittle madness, I sing about it in all my sadness
It's not falsified to say that I found god
Inevitably, well it still exists pale and fine I can't dismiss
And I won't resist and if I die well at least I tried

And we just lay awake in lust and rust in the rain
And pour over everything we say we trust
It happened again, I listened in thru hallways and thin doors
Where the rivers unwind and the rust and the rain endure
(the rust and the rain endure. I'm sure.)

I am insofar to know the measure of love isn't loss
Love will never ever be insofar to know the measure of love isn't loss
Love will never ever be lost on me.
Love will never ever be lost on me.

posted by 123454321 at 12:15 PM

Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come... -Matt Groening
posted by 123454321 at 10:07 AM

Love and relationships are truly one of the most paradoxical aspects of being human. For it is in love that we find the greatest of strengths and the deepest of sorrows. Love can seem to be so fleeting and unachievable yet it remains well within our reach if we only learn how to embrace its power. To experience true love, we must be willing to open ourselves up and sacrifice part of our heart and part of our soul. We must be willing to give of ourselves freely, and we must be willing to suffer. It is only when we expose our inner selves to the white hot flame of rejection, that love can burn so brightly as to join to souls, melding the two into one, creating a bond that joins forever. It is from this bond that we draw strength eternal and power ever lasting. It is in this thing that we call love that we find the means to achieve greatness, both in ourselves and in our lives.

I know this sounds profound, but all I'm saying is that love is confusing, yet powerful. Kinda like Quantum Theory. It has been said that anyone who is not afraid of Quantum Theory does not fully understand it. (Niels Bohr) The same goes for love.
posted by 123454321 at 9:27 AM

The more i look around, the more I think maybe the Lemmings have the right idea...
posted by 123454321 at 9:20 AM

Pigeons and Crumbs- By Natalie Imbruglia

Gotta get back
gotta figure out a way
I'm losing - my senses to you
Where'd it go, the bluebird I should follow
back home? But where is home?
guess it won't amount to much
won't be long before I crush
I'll stand in line
don't believe a thing they say, today
seems we all get lost amongst the pigeons and the crumbs

all alone
but I'm in a crowded room
I'm sinking in quicksand tonight
you pick me up and I shine across the sky till morning, then
you color me in
guess it didn't amount to much
seems to me I've lost my touch
I'm back in line
don't believe a thing they say today
turn around and walk away
everything will go your way, I pray
seems we all get lost amongst the pigeons and the crumbs

posted by 123454321 at 8:16 AM

As he stared across the table at Ruth, Jim realized she was no longer the woman he'd married. The youthful exuberance that he fell in love with had long since drained from her face, and was now a dull glow at best, like the flames of their passion had reduced to an ember of late. Jim realized at that moment how beautiful her sister was by comparison. Though only five years Ruth's junior, Sally still radiated that indescribable quality that only the inexperienced possess and the elderly lament; that beauty from within like an unpicked flower. But Sally wasn't like him, she didn't have those thoughts, or at least she didn't show it. Whenever he thought of her, Jim was certain he must be turning red or otherwise showing his shame to the world. He was certainly no actor. But then, how could he eat Ruth's potato salad with a straight face? Surely he had some qualities borne only to a future husband which allowed him to lie convincingly when it would benefit his wife, yet feel crippling shame when he thought of his own desires. How could he remain here, in this house, with this woman he hardly knew anymore? Was there nothing out there for him? Would he ever know love again? At his age, the odds were slim to none that he would ever find real love again. Better to just shut up and eat the potato salad.
-A product of boredom at work, By John Carter
posted by 123454321 at 7:30 AM

Forget gay marriages, when are we going to legalize robot marriages? The vacuum and the toaster have been living in sin for years... but they've got nothing on the computer and the printer...
posted by 123454321 at 11:49 PM

Signs you're getting old:


1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't
smoke any of them.



2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the
question.



3. You keep more food than beer in the
fridge.



4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go
to bed.




5. You hear your favorite song on an
elevator.




6. You watch the Weather Channel.




7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of
hook up and break up.




8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.




9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify
as "dressed up."




10. You're the one calling the police because
those damn kids next door won't turn down the
stereo.




11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex
jokes around you.




12. You don't know what time TacoBell closes
anymore.




13. Your car insurance goes down and your
payments go up.




14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of
McDonalds leftovers.




15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.




16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.




17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead
of the beginning of one.




18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM
would severely upset, rather than settle your
stomach.




19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and
antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.




20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty
good stuff."




21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast
time.




22. "I just can't drink the way I used to,"
replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much
again."




23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a
computer is for real work.




24. You drink at home to save money before going
to a bar.




25. You read this entire list looking
desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to
you and can't find one to save your sorry old
ass.

posted by 123454321 at 2:10 PM

Promise

I'll meet you at the corner
Of You and I
And when the night is over
We will say goodbye

I'll leave it up to you
If we should meet again
And if and when we do,
Perhaps we'll just be friends

I can give you today,
But I won't promise tomorrow
I'll cause you no pain
If you will cause me no sorrow

I'll love you tonight
But I can't promise tomorrow
I might walk on out,
Please say you won't follow

Maybe this could last
A little longer than we'd planned
But when that feeling's passed,
Can we lay it in the sand

Will we be able to leave
To turn and walk away
I'll grant you a reprieve,
So I won't ask you to stay

I can give you today,
But I won't promise tomorrow
I'll cause you no pain
If you will cause me no sorrow

I'll love you tonight
But I can't promise tomorrow
I might walk on out,
Please say you won't follow

I won't sign up for a lifetime
When I have nothing to give
I can't throw you a lifeline
If I'm struggling to live

And if we think we're ready,
We can take that next step
Hold on and stay steady,
And I know we won't trip

I can give you today,
But I won't promise tomorrow
I'll cause you no pain
If you will cause me no sorrow

I'll love you tonight
But I can't promise tomorrow
I might walk on out,
Please say you won't follow

I can tell you I love you
But you know they're just words
I could give you a necklace
But you know they're just pearls

When I love you, I'll show it
In everything that I do
When you love me, I'll know it
Cause I'll see it in you

I can give you today,
But I won't promise tomorrow
I'll cause you no pain
If you will cause me no sorrow

I'll love you tonight
But I can't promise tomorrow
I might walk on out,
Please say you won't follow...

-John Carter
posted by 123454321 at 11:46 AM

SUCCESS:
At age 4, success is .....not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is ......having friends.
At age 16, success is ........having a drivers license.
At age 20, success is ..........having sex.
At age 35, success is ............having money.
At age 50, success is ............having money.
At age 60, success is ..........having sex.
At age 70, success is ........having a drivers license.
At age 75, success is ......having friends.
At age 80, success is ....not peeing in your pants.

posted by 123454321 at 10:34 AM

John is the only person who has actually "seen" the future of the world. He claims it appeared to him one night in a forest, and it's "difficult to explain", but he knows it when he sees it. He also came back with some "commandments" from God carved on a flat rock. (On an unrelated note, John has excellent penmanship, based upon the fact that it is almost identical to God's!) John is my role model. It is my dream to be more like him. Sometimes I follow him around and buy the same clothes as him. Once in a while I rummage through his trash.
I once observed John walking across a lake to heal an injured swan.
He is Love.
posted by 123454321 at 9:46 PM

Fear-

We let it run our lives. Fear of loneliness, fear of commitment, fear of abandonment, fear of acceptance, fear of change, fear of stagnancy, fear of rebelliousness, fear of complacency. As long as we live, we will have fears, and as long as we have fears, we will never be free. To overcome fear, one must accept its existence as an inevitability, and come to terms with it. If one can confront one's fears, then one has an opportunity to learn from them, and therefore improve oneself. When a man is coddled and unpressured, he becomes lazy. When he is tortured, pressed beyond belief, he has an opprtunity to learn.
-John Carter
posted by 123454321 at 8:56 PM

The notion that the world around us is continuously evolving is a platitude; we rarely grasp its full implications. We do not ordinarily think, for example, of an epidemic disease changing its character as the epidemic spreads. Nor do we think of evolution in plants and animals as occurring in a matter of days or weeks, though it does. And we do not ordinarily imagine the green world around us as a scene of constant, sophisticated chemical warfare, with plants producing pesticides in response to attack, and insects developing resistance. But that is what happens, too.

If we were to grasp the true nature of nature—if we could comprehend the real meaning of evolution—then we would envision a world in which every living plant, insect, and animal species is changing at every instant, in response to every other living plant, insect, and animal. Whole populations of organisms are rising and falling, shifting and changing. This restless and perpetual change, as inexorable and unstoppable as the waves and tides, implies a world in which all human actions necessarily have uncertain effects. The total system we call the biosphere is so complicated that we cannot know in advance the consequences of anything that we do. That is why even our most enlightened past efforts have had undesirable outcomes—either because we did not understand enough, or because the ever-changing world responded to our actions in unexpected ways. From this standpoint, the history of environmental protection is as discouraging as the history of environmental pollution. Anyone who is willing to argue, for example, that the industrial policy of clear-cutting forests is more damaging than the ecological policy of fire suppression ignores the fact that both policies have been carried out with utter conviction, and both have altered the virgin forest irrevocably. Both provide ample evidence of the obstinate egotism that is a hallmark of human interaction with the environment.
The fact that the biosphere responds unpredictably to our actions is not an argument for inaction. It is, however, a powerful argument for caution, and for adopting a tentative attitude toward all we believe, and all we do. Unfortunately, our species has demonstrated a striking lack of caution in the past. It is hard to imagine that we will behave differently in the future. We think we know what we are doing. We have always thought so. We never seem to acknowledge that we have been wrong in the past, and so might be wrong in the future. Instead, each generation writes off earlier errors as the result of bad thinking by less able minds—and then confidently embarks on fresh errors of its own.

We are one of only three species on our planet that can claim to be self-aware, yet self-delusion may be a more significant characteristic of our kind.

posted by 123454321 at 9:23 PM