Siren's Silence...

When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest.

Religion.

Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you.

He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story:

Holy Shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize:

Something is fucked up!

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that:

If there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and:

Which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship.

Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight, I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.

Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship.

It's not polite.

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday; His day off. It's not nice. And:

It's no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but:

What about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan!

What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will?

It's all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit.

It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and:

Enjoy yourself.

-George Carlin

posted by 123454321 at 11:09 PM

Untouchable -By Natalie Merchant

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here that I don't understand
Your face-saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
'Cause I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Well, contempt loves the silence, it thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart
They say that promises sweeten the blow
But I don't need them, no I don't need them
I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm a slow-dying flower
In the frost-killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable
I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness
Oh I need this
I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, angel, sweet love of my life
Oh I need this
I'm a slow-dying flower
Frost-killing hour
The sweet turning sour and untouchable
Do you remember the way that you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored
Your face-saving promises
Whispered liked prayers
I don't need them
I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, angel, sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this
Well is it dark enough
Can you see me
Do you want me
Can you reach me
Oh, I'm leaving
Better shut your mouth, and hold your breath
You kiss me now, you catch your death
Oh, I mean this

posted by 123454321 at 12:18 PM

That's The Way -By Led Zeppelin

I don't know how I'm gonna tell you, I can't play with you no more,
I don't know how I'm gonna do what mama told me, My friend, the boy next door.
I can't believe what people saying, You're gonna let your hair hang down,
I'm satisfied to sit here working all day long, You're in the darker side of town.

And when I'm out I see you walking, Why don't your eyes see me,
Could it be you've found another game to play, What did mama say to me.

*That's The Way, Oh, That's The Way it ought to be,
Yeah, yeah, mama say That's The Way it ought to stay.

And yesterday I saw you standing by the river,
And weren't those tears that filled your eyes,
And all the fish that lay in dirty water dying,
Had they got you hypnotized?

And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers,
But all that lives is born to die.
And so I say to you that nothing really matters,
And all you do is stand and cry.

I don't know what to say about it,
When all you ears have turned away,
But now's the time to look and look again at what you see,
Is that the way it ought to stay?

That's the way... That's the way it oughtta be
Oh don't you know now, Mama said.. that's the way it's gonna stay, yeah.

posted by 123454321 at 7:24 PM

You are 32% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator.

Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend.

You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines!

Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals!

You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

posted by 123454321 at 6:13 AM

Haunted -By The Moody Blues

I really miss you when the nights are long
And only silence is heard in this world of song
But life goes on
And forever more
I'll be haunted by your love
I see you walking through the gates of home
And then I wake up to find I'm still all alone
I should have known
But forever more
I'll be haunted by your love
Lonely is the river as it tumbles to the ocean
Searching for our future
We can't find our way back home
My only comfort is the love we shared
And as I walk through this world
With sadness everywhere
I've had my share
And forever more
I'll be haunted by your love
And forever more
I'll be haunted by your love
Standing in the doorway
As the sunrise greets the morning
Searching for our future
We can't find our way back home
I really miss you when the nights are long
And only silence is heard in this world of song
But life goes on
And forever more
I'll be haunted by your love

posted by 123454321 at 10:07 PM

Is Santa Claus Real?

1) No known species of reindeer can fly, but there are 300,000 species of organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (defined as persons under 18) in the world; However, since Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist children, that reduces the workload down to 15% of the original total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's only 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there is at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 822.6 visits per second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chiminey, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chiminey, get back into the sleigh, and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which we know to be false but will accept for the purpose of these calculations), we are talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus eating, etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run 15 miles per hour at the most.

4) The payload on the sleigh add another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-size set of Lego building blocks (about two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that flying reindeer exist (see point 1), can fly very quickly (see point 2), and can pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine, reindeer. We would need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparision, this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This would heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they would burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within .00426 seconds. Santa, meanwhile, would be subjected to forces 17,500 times greater than normal gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

posted by 123454321 at 10:41 PM

Shared happiness is double happiness- shared sorrow is half sorrow.

posted by 123454321 at 6:23 PM

The sun rises, the sun sets
The seasons change
Rivers flow
Leaves fall
It's raining somewhere
Spiders make webs
Fish eat each other
Babies are born
Stars are born
People and stars get old
then stop getting old
All this happens and more
day after day after day
At no time am I consulted

posted by 123454321 at 11:00 PM

The following are a few questions I've been wrestling with:

Who decided that trendy mens' footwear should look like bowling shoes?

When did charming start passing for funny?

Aren't we as a nation sophisticated enough to hunt down and kill our enemies without constantly referring to them as "evil"?

Shouldn't people who drive those monster sports utility vehicles be required to take a truck-driving test?

And while we're on the subject, what does it say about us as a civilized and compassionate society when we allow our children to drive at the age of sixteen?

Are we almost done with entertainment based on humiliation, teenage girls singers, prefab boy bands and rap, or is this an eternal punishment?

Shouldn't fashion models look a little like us?

And finally, why can't I shake the feeling that the infinite emptiness that gnaws at my soul and refuses to be filled by any external means is the secret engine that drives our entire culture?

I eagerly await your answers.

posted by 123454321 at 10:56 PM

The Buddha taught that the first principle of existence is impermanence.

Absolutely everything in this universe is impermanent.

Impermanence creates uncertainty.

I don't know about you, but I have a very low tolerance for uncertainty.

Uncertainty causes me discomfort.

Discomfort causes me to think stupid things.

Stupid thoughts cause me to take stupid actions.

My stupid actions bring about unfortunate results.

Luckily, the unfortunate results are impermanent.

Is this a great universe or what?

posted by 123454321 at 10:53 PM

The concept of prayer, as I've always understood it, was that one beseeched God for what one wanted. Make me rich, famous, sexy, happy, married, single, whatever -- just improve upon the status quo. In my humble opinion, this is a waste of time. That's not to say that I think prayer is a waste of time. In fact, I now believe that prayer is essential to a happy life -- just not the kind of prayer that asks for stuff. What I now believe is that the true purpose of prayer is for us to get our actions and thoughts into alignment with the universe as it really is, as opposed to how we wish it to be. If we assume an omnipotent God, then God is everything. In other words, God is the universe as it really is. With that in mind, I've been praying a lot lately so that I might properly align myself. The two messages I've received thus far are: "be kind and loving" and "have fun while it lasts". While I find that comforting, it troubles me that the two ideas seem incompatible. Maybe I've been in Philly too long.

posted by 123454321 at 11:40 PM

"there's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out." -The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I used to pray every day for a bicycle when I was younger. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead..." -Emo Philips

"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" -The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

To summarize: it is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. -The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

posted by 123454321 at 11:33 PM

Maybe Not -By John Carter

Helplessly watching a new mother's tears
While daddy is gone, buying everyone beers
Responsible parents are not to be found
Ozzie and Harriet just aren't around

And children are doomed to live with regret
When they find that their lives can't just be 'reset'
Reality isn't as hard as it seems
But you're happier living your life in your dreams

When the money is spent and the wars are all waged,
We've gained nothing, lost nothing, but certainly aged
So maybe we're pointless, no time for impact
But in the meantime, let's try to keep life intact

The killing, destruction, the worst in mankind
Maybe it's all a future civilization will find
In the burned-out hole in space
Where the Earth once spun in place

But then again, maybe not.

posted by 123454321 at 11:29 PM

Ignorance Sells -By John Carter

Despite all our battles
We're losing the fight
Jumping at shadows
And hiding from light
We're living in darkness
And living in shame
Swimming with sharks
And we're passing the blame
From father to son
And those inbetween
Thinking we've won
But unable to see
Forsaking the virgin
To save the unworthy
Forever we're searching
For someone more dirty
To stand by, and feel better
About being ourselves
We all know better
But ignorance sells.

posted by 123454321 at 11:28 PM

Simplicity -By John Carter

little by little we crawl across the floor
steadily making our way to the door
blindfolded by knowledge
we weren't meant to see
becoming the people
we weren't meant to be
controlling our fates
and waking to find
the lives we have left
are all in our minds
we have nothing real
just lies to ourselves
all the important things
are up on a shelf
to make room for our cell phones
and shiny sports cars
we dream to be famous
we dream to be stars
what's wrong with the world
was it so long ago
when we sat around fires
and played in the snow
when we saw what was there
and we knew it was true
there was earth, there was sky
there was me, there was you
no heaven, no hell
no devil, no God
just what we could see
not what we had bought

posted by 123454321 at 12:10 AM

Angels aren't supposed to fall for you.

She did it anyway.

I know she did, but angels aren't supposed to, even if I care for her, too.

She did it anyway.

I know she did, but angels aren't supposed to, I know I don't deserve her.

She did it anyway.

I know she did, but angels aren't supposed to, I'm happy she did, though.

She did it anyway.

I know she did, but angels aren't supposed to.

posted by 123454321 at 10:46 PM

I believe that everyone thinks they can write. This is not true. It is true, however, that everyone can direct. I believe that the laws of karma do not apply to the real world, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis. I believe that what doesn't kill us makes us bitter. I believe that the obsessive worship of movie, TV and sports figures is less likely to produce spiritual gain than praying to Thor. I believe that Larry was a vastly underrated Stooge, without whom Moe and Curly could not conform to the comedy law of three. I believe my parents are secretly proud of me. I believe that if you can't find anything nice to say about people whom you've helped to make wildly successful and then they stabbed you in the back, then don't say anything at all. I believe I have a great dog, maybe the greatest dog in the whole wide world, yes, he is! I believe that the guy who invented those speed bumps in the freeway that snap you back into consciousness when you're drifting into a nearby semi should be given a big hug. I believe that there are actually several cures for the summertime blues. I believe I've spent my life expecting people to behave in a certain way. I believe that when they didn't behave according to my expectations, I became angry, sad, confused and occasionally fearful. I believe these expectations are the reason I've been angry, sad, confused and occasionally fearful more than I care to admit. As a result, I now believe my expectations are the real problem. I believe that everyone has this very same problem, and they ought to start acting accordingly. I believe that El Nino is an international conspiracy perpetrated by evil roofing contractors. I believe it's high time The Beatles came clean on that whole "Paul is dead" thing. I believe that anyone who can read and speak clearly can be a network news anchorperson -- but not necessarily a weatherman. I believe that if I rid myself of insatiable cravings, lusts, paranoia, deep-seated anger and ill-will towards others, I'll be a much better person. I believe that TV is the cause of all the violence and immorality in our society -- ha! just kidding. I believe there's no business like show business, although if you're over-paid for feeding a big, scary monster, then that might be sort of like it. I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism. I believe that sex with multiple partners in a moving vehicle isn't all it's cracked up to be.I believe we are better than the animals because we're capable of reading in the bathroom. I believe that JFK had a much better understanding of the word, "Perks." I believe that words have power. Sticks and stones may hurt our bones, but bones heal in a relatively short time, while one critical parent can cripple you forever. With that in mind, let's try a little experiment. As you read the following words notice whether you feel the impulse to smile. Did it work? Did you smile immediately upon reading that? If not, that's okay. Don't get down on yourself. Remember, this is just an experiment. We can try it again. This time feel your lips curl up gently at the corners. You try to fight it, but your mouth seems to have taken on a life of its own. As you continue reading you can't help but notice that you are now smiling like the execs at Paramount after they realized they got a piece of Titanic for chump change. See? The power of words. In this case used for good. If you would like an example of words used for evil, call your mother and tell her you're really starting to make progress in therapy.

posted by 123454321 at 10:43 PM

I have abandoned all forms and sects of the practicing Christian Church. I have seen thousands of priests and bishops and even the Pope himself transmogrified in front of our eyes into a worldwide network of thieves, perverts and sodomites who relentlessly penetrate children of all genders and call it holy penance for being born guilty in the eyes of the Church. I have seen the Jews run amok in Palestine like bloodthirsty beasts with no shame, and six million brainless Baptists demanding the death penalty without any trial at all for pagans and foreigners and people like me who won't pray with them in those filthy little shacks they call churches. They are like a swarm of rats fleeing a swoop fire, and I want no part of them. Indeed, I have my own faith and my own God to worship, and I have been doing it with a certain amount of distinction for ten thousand years, like some fine atomic clock with everlasting batteries.

posted by 123454321 at 10:39 PM

evolve -By Ani DiFranco

i walk in stride with people
much taller than me
and partly it's the boots but
mostly it's my chi
and i'm becoming transfixed
with nature and my part in it
which i believe just signifies
i'm finally waking up

and there's this moth outside my kitchen door
she's bonkers for that bare bulb
flying round in circles
bashing in her exoskull
and out in the woods she navigates fine by the moon
but get her around a light bulb and she's doomed

she is trying to evolve
she's just trying to evolve

now let's get talking reefer madness
like some arrogant government can't
by any stretch of the imagination
outlaw a plant!
yes, their supposed authority over nature
is a dream
c'mon people
we've got to come clean

cuz they are locking our sons
and our daughters in cages
they are taking by the thousands
our lives from under us
it's a crash course in religious fundamentals
now let's all go to war
get some bang for our buck

i am trying to evolve
i'm just trying to evolve

gunnin for high score in the land of dreams
morbid bluish-white consumers ogling luminous screens
on the trail of forgetting
cruising without a care
the jet set won't abide by that pesky jet lag
and our lives boil down to an hour or two
when someone pulls a camera out of a bag

and i am trying to evolve
i'm just trying to evolve

so i walk like i'm on a mission
cuz that's the way i groove
i got more and more to do
i got less and less to prove
it took me too long to realize
that i don't take good pictures
cuz i have the kind of beauty
that moves

posted by 123454321 at 3:24 PM

Hades' Fire -By John Carter

Old warriors rattle rusty sabres
Old women retire to their chambers
While young men live in a ball of fire
And young women cry for their hearts desires
But who are young shall soon be old
And then shall have their story told
Of men and women who dared to dream
Yet did nothing, and are now astream
In a river of lost hope and desire
The River Styx, in Hades' fire.

posted by 123454321 at 11:44 AM

Fallen Horses

A long summer's day
Stretchin' out the cold
Searching for the answers
And some say I'm not alone

Could you tell me
Where I might find
Fallen horses
Their spirits, they fly

Blinded by the whiteness
Staring at the sun
I'm wishing that I had wings
So that I could become one

Would you help me
If I wanted to die?
I could ride off
On fallen horses tonight

Now that I've arrived here
I know I'm not alone
All my friends around me
Tell me, "Welcome home"

But could you tell me
Where I might find
The one I'm looking for
Her Wings have arrived

posted by 123454321 at 11:43 AM

Quicksand -By Lit

When I bring it up
You shut me out
So I keep on writing letters to myself
Are you doing alright
Are you burning out
Are you happy with the way it turned out
Running out of you
Running out of you
And I know you'll be running out of me
Are you holding up
Are you caving in
Are you happy with the way things have been
Running out of you
Running out of you
And I know you'll be running out of me
When it starts sinking in
Like quicksand
I can't stand
Watching the best of me
Go down with
The worst of you
Are you doing alright
Are you burning out
Are you happy with the way things turned out
Running out of you
Running out of you
And I know you'll be running out of me

posted by 123454321 at 11:41 AM

Surgeon Generals Warning: Smoking is bad for you. You always known that, just like everybody else. So if you do it for 20 or 30 years, don't come crying to the courts if it makes you sick. How stupid are you anyways?

posted by 123454321 at 5:51 PM

I believe I think too much. I believe I'm literally drowning in a thick swamp of thoughts. No, swamp's not right. It's more like being in the middle of a swarm of bees, all of them flying insanely about, occasionally stinging for no apparent reason. Yup, bees, definitely -- thoughts are bees. In fact, I believe my entire understanding of the world is based on my thoughts, which are generated by my emotions, which are generated by ... well, I guess my reaction to stuff that happens. Anyway, I understand the world through the filter of my thoughts and emotions. If this is pretty much how you understand the world, it brings up an interesting concept. Probably since we were infants, none of us have directly perceived this world we live in. What does it mean to directly perceive something? Well, I suppose it would mean to be totally with that thing, as opposed to observing and thinking about it. It's a duality issue. Here's me, here's you. here's me, here's the sofa. Ya dig where this is going? We live on a planet dominated by a race of beings whose only connection to reality is constantly buzzing, mental bees. We're all walking through life in a dream state that is, at best, a funhouse mirror-image of what's really out there. It makes you think, doesn't it? Ouch! Dammit!

posted by 123454321 at 5:35 PM

Dave still had vivid memories of when his mind was a quiet, useful ally -- a handy-dandy accessory that would discreetly remind him not to stick his little Dave fingers into light sockets. But that was long ago. Dave's mind was now in full revolt. One moment it would be idling nicely, waiting to notice, judge, critique or consider -- then, without warning, like a spider monkey on methamphetamines, it would start thinking ugly, angry, snarling monstrosities. Dave didn't know what to do. It was the only mind he had. And then he realized, it was out of his control because it was never his mind. It was just some scanning mechanism generated by billions of years of evolution, genetics, and conditioning. That made Dave feel better. At least until #*&^ #&$^ ^# mEeP ^%$^&!#^grrrrr %^%_+ +*&^) &% MWHA-HA-HA!&&*( &^ *&*&78=07 WHOOO-gaa !$^& )argeep++tynoop! &*

posted by 123454321 at 6:51 PM

Surrender is a powerful word. It runs directly counter to everything Dave was taught. Dave was taught to fight for dominance -- to struggle to be the best. And after years of doing just that, Dave finally arrived at the mountaintop, the pinnacle, the hallowed place where eagles crap. But Dave was still unhappy, because no matter how hard he fought, winning was an illusion -- a mirage. But then, Dave thought, what would happen if I just gave up? This universe isn't meant to be dominated. It's an incomprehensible vastness which created us and to which we'll all return. So Dave surrendered and discovered a happiness he never dreamed of. A sea of bliss in which he willingly drowned. But then, he met this guy who was even happier and more blissful. You can guess the rest.

posted by 123454321 at 6:50 PM

Miracle. The dictionary defines it as "an event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God." When I reflect on the people and events that led me to this moment in time, this "place" in my life, I am forced to conclude that a miracle -- no, a series of miracles -- has occurred. How else can a devastating car accident turn out to be, in the long run, a blessing? But then my inner critic says, "Are you so self-obsessed as to believe that the hand of God moves through your puny life?" Well, if I postulate an infinite God, the answer is, why not? The dictionary definition of infinite is "having no boundaries or limits." With that in mind it seems self-obsessed to think that the influence of something infinite wouldn't extend to me, or anyone else for that matter. Of course, I could also postulate that we're all chemical accidents in a dead and meaningless universe. It just doesn't make a very interesting blog.

posted by 123454321 at 11:18 PM

The first time is for love, the next time is $200.

posted by 123454321 at 3:35 PM

An open letter of apology

Dear me,
Over the years, I have resented you for not being athletic enough, brave enough, funny enough, smart enough, talented enough, handsome enough, rich enough, admired enough, educated enough, New York enough, out-going enough, quiet enough, old enough, young enough, loving enough and loved enough. I have demanded perfection from you and have found you wanting. The result of this obsession with perfection has been to make you terrified of failure and ridicule, angry at any and all obstacles, and finally, incapable of enjoying the bounty that was not only around you, but within you as well. Well, all that's about to change. From now on, I'm going to make every effort to love and accept you as you are. But since bad habits die hard, I'll start with something easy. From now on, you're old enough.

Affectionately,
Me

posted by 123454321 at 1:06 AM

To whom it may concern, We have taken John Carter hostage. Do not try to find him. Do not alert the authorities. Until our demands are met he will be held in a really nice house in Los Angeles where he'll be forced to eat rich foods and watch satellite TV with all the premium channels and pay-per-view. The following are a list of our demands: We must never again receive "official" letters from big political parties informing us we've been selected to be part of blue-ribbon panels that determine our country's future, provided we donate five grand to be so honored. Sometime, somewhere, in some city, an oriental rug store will have to actually go out of business. All salespeople in nice clothing stores who act like they're better than the people shopping in the store must take acting lessons from people who don't know anything about acting but know a good thing when they see one. This demand also applies to snooty waiters in nice restaurants. You have twenty-four hours to comply with these demands. Until then, Mr. Carter will be forced to spend his nights sleeping on a very cushy bed that is dangerously close to a snoring dog with bad gas.

posted by 123454321 at 12:53 AM

I've been told that we're only as sick as our secrets. I like the sound of that. It would make a particularly good bumper sticker. With that in mind I'd like to engage in a little self-therapy and reveal one of my deepest, darkest secrets. There've been times when the mere thought of this secret has nearly overwhelmed me with self-loathing. And yet, there've been other times when I actually took a perverse pride in it. So what is this personal bit of esoterica? I've got your attention now, don't I? You probably even skipped ahead to see if this is really juicy. Well, skip no further. My secret is this: I'm not that smart. Yup, there it is, dug up and thrown into the sunlight. Since I was a little kid I've known that (like it or not) there were an awful lot of people who had a lot more on the ball than I did. Oh, believe me, I've tried to suppress this awareness. I've tried to convince myself that I was special, that I was gifted. But I eventually learned that this secret could be my greatest asset. I learned that with enough bright friends even a dim bulb can light up a room. I like the sound of that. With enough bright friends even a dim bulb can light up a room. Someone ought to print that on a bumper sticker and slap it on Air Force One.

posted by 123454321 at 6:25 PM

I recently mentioned to an engineer friend of mine that I get slightly crazed when things are less than perfect. To my surprise he looked at me with a crooked little smile and said, "Oh, but things are perfect." A few days later our conversation continued. This time he told me that the universe was expanding at exactly the right speed to keep it from flying apart or collapsing back into itself. He also noted that the subatomic makeup of our bodies was calibrated so magnificently that were it off by less than one percent, two human bodies approaching one another would release enough energy to blow the Earth out of its orbit. And consider this: if a plane loses its wings at thirty thousand feet, and DOESN'T fall to the ground, then we would be living in a world where fat people could stick rockets in their ass and fly to Miami for a three-day weekend. Now, if you're like me and don't find that to be an improvement on the laws of nature, then I think you have to agree with my friend -- things are perfect.

posted by 123454321 at 7:06 PM

When I was a little kid my parents often used a phrase that, to their way of thinking, described the ancient art of meditation. The phrase was "staring at one's belly button." This bon mot was most often used to describe someone who was sitting on their butt practicing the equally ancient art of underachieving. "Look at that guy over there staring at his belly button," would be considered an acceptable use of this witticism. Another common remark heard in my formative years was "He's got a head on his shoulders," which was used to express admiration and respect. Smart people who were doing something with their lives had "heads on the shoulders." Those who were not quite so clever, well, there was another phrase for where their heads were. The reason I'm bringing this up is that while meditating recently I had a tremendous flash of insight -- I have never stared at my belly button, not while meditating, not while underachieving, and my head has always been on my neck. When I mentioned to my mother that my head was filled with these sorts of nonsensical sayings and I considered it a subtle form of child abuse, she told me not to be such a Wisenheimer. Wisenheimer was an old country name that was later anglicized to Smartypants.

posted by 123454321 at 2:28 PM

I recently spoke with a man who is tormented. He thinks he is tormented because he thinks he has a tormentor. He cannot think of a scenario wherein he leaves his tormentor and thus ends his torment. He thinks his only path to serenity is to destroy his tormentor. He thinks the appropriate weapon to accomplish this task is a lawyer. This got me to thinking that perhaps thinking was the real source of his torment. But how can that be? Don't we value thinking? Don't we worship great thinkers? How can this God-given gift that separates us from the animals be deemed a curse? Isn't the alternative to thinking, stupidity? Or is there another alternative? Ask yourself this question, "When I have a good idea, do I think my way to it, or does it just hit me?" Which brings me to the theme of this message (finally). I'd like to suggest that we all have inspiration at our disposal at all times. How does inspiration work? How the hell would I know? I just know it's there. Nothing else but inspiration explains a great work of art, and nothing else but thinking could be responsible for making all those "Lethal Weapon" movies. I mentioned all this to the tormented man. I told him that perhaps he could find a solution to his troubles by quitting thinking and being open to inspiration. He said he thought I was a moron and threw his shoe at me. It just hit me.

posted by 123454321 at 6:14 PM

As I write this I'm sitting in a big, dark cloud of anger. The feeling is highly energetic, almost electric, and, for some strange reason, seems to be most evident in my skin. The experience is vaguely uncomfortable and is dissipating slightly as I write these words. Thinking back, I see now that there was a brief moment when I had a choice as to how I would react to the situation that led to my current condition. I could have just as easily chosen resignation, or amusement, or even sadness. So the obvious question is why did I choose a destructive emotion? I suppose that on some deep, unconscious level I must be hard-wired to believe that anger is the appropriate response. Which leads to the next obvious question: how does one undo a damaging mental process that appears to be inextricably woven into the organism itself? Well, let me state right here, that burning it out doesn't work. God knows I've tried and therefore will not be running for public office anytime soon. Thinking it away (which I'm doing now), is terribly ineffective. And I'm certainly not ready to line up at the great pharmaceutical "happy" trough. So what then? Well, perhaps I could give my anger away. I know it sounds silly, but maybe silly is what's called for. Perhaps I could simply give my anger to everyone reading this message... whoa, suddenly I'm feeling very affable! CAUTION: This is not a chain letter. Do not pass the anger on. Gently put it in a box, bury it in your backyard and blame it on the dog when no grass grows on that spot.

posted by 123454321 at 5:38 PM

posted by 123454321 at 12:32 PM

In certain cultures, people greet each other with a little bow and their hands pressed together in a prayer position. This is meant to convey that one acknowledges the divinity in the other. In our culture we greet each other by shaking hands, a gesture meant to convey the cheery thought, "See? I'm not holding a weapon." Personally, I like the divinity "hi, how are ya" a lot better. In fact, sometimes I like to walk down the street and remind myself that each and every person I see is of divine origin and on a journey that is unique, profound, tragic, joyous and, to them, immensely important (airports are also good for this exercise). Now that's not to say that I don't often consider others as being mere speed bumps on my little drive through life. I just find that when I make the slightest effort to acknowledge that spark of divinity in the people I meet, I feel better. Life is less threatening. I feel safer. More inclined to being open and loving. More inclined to leave the safety on.

posted by 123454321 at 12:19 PM

It seems to me, in brief moments of clarity, that the only way to proceed is with a tub of popcorn, a good seat and a willingness to be surprised, delighted, horrified, amused and/or bored as I watch the play unfold, while simultaneously being grateful for having been given a bit part. The upside to this way of thinking is increased compassion for the other bit players, a sense of perspective as to one's true size, and a release from suffering. The downside, as previously stated, is this way of "thinking" is brief and I spend most of my time complaining bitterly that the popcorn doesn't have real butter flavoring.

posted by 123454321 at 11:00 PM

posted by 123454321 at 10:57 PM

To pierce through the illusion of separateness, to realize that which lies beneath the tormenting wound of duality -- that was a goal worthy of a lifetime. Richie, however, never really believed he could unravel this mystery which had baffled the greatest minds of humankind. He certainly didn't have anything resembling a great mind. Then it occurred to him... maybe a great mind was not what was needed to see behind the veil of illusion. Maybe true perception comes from a great heart. This realization troubled Richie, for he knew in his gut that he didn't have a great heart either. But then he thought, perhaps with some desperation, maybe the secret was in having a great gut. Or nice shoes.

posted by 123454321 at 7:57 PM

Richie was in perfect health when he began reviewing his life. His reasoning was simple: if your life passes before you moments before you die, why not do it when things are going good? That way, when you're coughing up blood and forgetting your childrens' names, you can just lay back and enjoy the morphine-drip carpet ride that takes you back to God. Richie's life review began with his teenage years because his actions during those years effectively blocked out all memory of the preceding years. He began slowly, looking for moments when he'd been kind and loving, generous and cheerful. Unfortunately, all he could remember was a bewildered, terrified, selfish, horny, angry, pimple-faced knucklehead. But that was okay. Part of the life review involved extending forgiveness. So Richie forgave that miserable teenager of long ago and began scanning his young adult years. Which is where he found a treasure trove of memories that caused him to cough up blood and forget his childrens' names.

posted by 123454321 at 7:49 PM

Richie didn't know he was beginning a journey into darkness when he made love to Kate. All he knew was bliss. For a few surreal hours his identity simply melted away. Of course, he tried to maintain his objectivity. Sex for Richie was traditionally an ego-ridden activity -- an athletic event designed to win the "you're incredible" trophy. But something else happened that night with Kate. He actually made love. He kissed her with love. He touched her with love. And finally, he entered her with a sense of devotion that dissolved all the fear boundaries which had caused him to be so alone. Unfortunately, Kate was just drunk and horny. Nothing even remotely special was happening in her camp. Richie had his first nervous breakdown shortly thereafter, although he preferred to think of it as a learning experience.

posted by 123454321 at 7:47 PM

Some days Richie would wake up crying. His first thoughts would be of Kate and the emptiness he felt without her. Those were the darkest days. The days when the pain of her rejection reached back and formed an alliance with his earliest childhood memories. The woman who couldn't love him now and the woman who couldn't love him then, working together like a Sino-Soviet monolith lumbering toward total Richie domination. So, bright boy that he was, he worked hard, drank hard, and chased soft women. Anything to forget. Anything to kill the pain. Until his dream came true. Until that amazing day when Kate came to him and said she had been wrong, that Richie was indeed the man for her and she wanted them to be together always. Which is when Richie suddenly realized that Kate was nuttier than rat crap in a pistachio warehouse. Richie still wakes up crying.

posted by 123454321 at 7:47 PM

Richie was mildly disoriented when he realized he and Dave were the same person. This sort of cognitive moment tends to undermine a guy's sense of self. But it didn't stop there. When Richie looked around the room, he realized he was also Kate and Lorraine and Ted and Lenny. Heck, he was also the dying philodendran on the windowsill. Suddenly he felt enormous compassion for all these variations on himself, or rather "ourself", which he thought was a more appropriate label. The pain of loneliness and the fear of death were suddenly swept away by this one blinding flash of insight. It was so obvious! There are no separate forms of life. Life was life, just sort of wandering around looking at itself, loving itself, and unfortunately killing itself. Which is when Richie woke up, shit, showered and shaved, went to work, worried about nonsense, drove home, watched a supposedly funny show, had a stiff drink and went to sleep again.

posted by 123454321 at 7:46 PM

Richie was excited about his upcoming death. He rented a medium-priced banquet hall and invited all of his friends, family and co-workers to the happy event. But when the big day arrived, many were confused. There was Richie, walking and talking, actually having quite a good time. What kind of death was this? What Richie had failed to explain in the invitations was that the death he was celebrating was that of his carefully constructed ego. From this day on, Richie would cease to be Richie (except for tax purposes). For all other purposes he would simply be a continuously unfolding manifestation of the universe -- a process not a thing. He tried to explain how blissfully liberating this was, that this was the enlightenment sought by wise men throughout the ages, but no one really understood. Of course it didn't help matters much that he kept pestering several female guests to show the continuously unfolding manifestation their sweater puppies.

posted by 123454321 at 7:45 PM

posted by 123454321 at 4:42 PM

serpentine

pavlov hits me with more bad news
every time i answer the phone
so i play and i sing and i just let it ring
all day when i'm at home
a defacto choice of macro
or microcosmic melancholy
but, baby, any way you slice it
i'm thinkin i could just as soon use
the time alone

yes, the goons have gone global
and the CEOs are shredding files
and the democrans and the republicrats
are flashing their toothy smiles
and uncle tom is posing for a photo op
with the oval office clan
and uncle sam is rigging cockfights
in the promised land
and that knife you stuck in my back is still there
it pinches a little when i sigh and moan
and these days i'm thinkin i could just as soon use
the time alone

cuz all the wrong people have the power
of suggestion
and the freedom of the press is meaningless
if nobody asks a question
i mean
causation by definition
is such a complex compilation
of factors
that to even try to say why
is to over simplify
but that's a far cry
isn't it dear?
from acting like you're the only one there
unrepentantly self centered and unfair
enter all suckers scrambling for the scoop
exit mr. eye contact
who took his flirt and flew the coop
but whatever
no matter
no fishin trips
no fishin
cuz mamma's officially out of commission
and did i mention
in there
somewhere
did i mention
somewhere
in there
that i traded babe ruth?
yes, i traded the only player that was bigger than the game
and i can't even tell you why
cuz you'd think i'm insane
and that's the truth

and the music industry mafia is pimping girl power
sniping off their sharp shooter singles from their styrofoam towers
and hip hop is tied up in the back room
with a logo stuffed in its mouth
cuz the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house
but then

i'm getting away from myself

as i get closer and closer to home
and the difference between you and me baby
is i get fucked up
when i'm alone

and i must admit
today my inner pessimist
seems to have got the best of me
we start out sugared up on kool-aid and manifest destiny
and we memorize all the president's names
like little trained monkeys
and then we're spit into the world
so many spinny-eyed t.v. junkies
incapable of unravelling the military industrial mystery
preemptively pacified with history book history
and i've bin around the world now
and i can see this about america
the mind control is deep here, man
the myopia is steep here

and behold
those that try to expose the reality
who really try to realize democracy
are shot with rubber bullets and gassed off the streets
while the global power brokers are kept clean and discrete
behind a wall
behind a moat
and that is all
that's all she wrote

and my heart beats an sss o o o sss
cuz folks just couldn't care care care less less less
as long as every day is superbowl sunday
and larger than life women in lingerie
are pouting at us from every bus stop
shelovesme shelovesmenot shelovesme shelovesmenot...

and big government should not stand between a man and his money
cuz "what's good for business is good for the country"

our children still take that lie like communion
the same old line
the confederacy used on the union

conjugate liberty
into libertarian
and medicate it
associate it
with deregulation
privitization
we won't even know we're slaves
on a corporate plantation
somebody say halleluja!
somebody say damnation!
cuz the profit system follows the path of least resistance
and the path of least resistance is what makes the river crooked
makes it serpentine
capitalism is the devil's wet dream
so just give me my judy garland drugs
and let me get back to work
cuz the empire state building
is the tallest building in new york
and i always got the feeling
you just liked to hear it fall

off your tongue

but i remember my name

in your mouth
and i don't think i was done
hearing it close to my ear
on a whisper's way to a moan
but pavlov hits me with more bad news every time i answer the phone
so i play and i sing and i just let it ring all day when i'm at home

a defacto choice of macro
or microcosmic melancholy
but baby, any way you slice it
i'm thinkin i could just as soon use
the time alone

posted by 123454321 at 7:31 PM

It's the same bad dream
All over again
It seems so familiar
Like a dear old friend

And it comes, and it goes
And the blood still flows
And the pain still shows
But no one knows

It's the last time
The last time I'll be here
It's the last time
The last time that I'll fear

I'll step into the darkness
I can leap into the black
I'll shove off in my ship
And I am never turning back

It's the last time
The last time you'll see me
It's the last time
I'm setting myself free

I'm sailing off into the sun
So many battles no one won
So many tasks remain undone
I wasn't hurting anyone

posted by 123454321 at 8:12 PM

How to make cole slaw:

Look for green cabbage. Drive to store. Choose green cabbage. Carry them to a cashier. Drive home. Find money. Drive to store. Buy green cabbage. Drive home. Chop green cabbage into bowl. Look for mayonnaise. Drive to stupid store. Buy mayonnaise. Drive home. Mix mayonnaise into bowl. Look for lousy raisins.Drive to store. Ignore cashier’s ignorant snickering.Buy stupid lousy raisins. Drive home. Mix raisins into bowl. Look for stupid lousy miserable damned stinking carrots. Drive to blasted stupid lousy store. Buy lousy miserable damned stinking stupid carrots. Yell at stupid ignorant Nazi redneck store personnel for laughing at you. Crawl to car. Drive home. Chop stupid lousy miserable damned stinking lousy stupid lousy miserable stupid stinking lousy carrots into bowl. Look for finger. Look harder for finger. Look everywhere for finger. See cat scurrying away. Chase cat out door. Follow cat into new neighbor’s house, surprising him in the middle of a crack deal. Dive over sofa to escape automatic weapon fire, landing on cat’s tail, causing cat to jump up screeching and claw new neighbor’s eyes as he’s bending over the sofa to shoot you, enabling you to grab automatic weapon from his hand and hold it on him and other crack dealer until police arrive, arrest them, and drive you and cat to hospital, where cat’s stomach is pumped, finger is found and it’s sewn on good as new. Collect reward of half of neighbor’s property from police drug dealer auction, then just buy all the ready-made coleslaw you want from a nice deli.

posted by 123454321 at 5:57 PM

Why

What makes it so easy
To cast me aside
And kick yet another
Big dent in my pride

Is it simply because
I'm a thorn in your side?
Or am I something
You had to hide?

I hope you know
I always tried
To mask the biting
Pain inside

From every single
Time you lied
And now I'm left
Alone to decide

To sink or swim,
Or drift on by
Floating aimlessly
On a river of, 'Why?'

posted by 123454321 at 9:31 PM

I was lost till you were found
But never knew how far down
I was falling
Before I reached the bottom

I was cold and you were fire
And I never knew how the pyre
Could be burning
On the edge of the ice field

And now the chilly California wind
Is blowing down our bodies again
And we're sinking deeper and deeper in the
Chilly California sand
Oh I know you belong inside my aching heart
And can't you see my faded levis bursting apart
And don't you hearing me crying
"Oh babe, don't go"
And don't you hear me screaming
"How was I to know?"

In the middle nowhere
Near the end of the line
But there's a border somewhere waiting
And there's a tankful of time
Oh give me just another moment to see the light of the day
And take me to another land where I don't have to stay
And I'm gonna need somebody to make me feel like you do
And I will receive somebody with open arms, open eyes
Open up the sky and let the planet that I love shine through

For crying out loud
You know I love you
For crying out loud
You know I love you
For crying out loud
you know I love you

I was damned and you were saved
And I never knew how enslaved
I was kneeling
in the chains of my master

I could laugh but you could cry
And I never knew just how high
I was flying
Ah, with you right above me

And now the chilly California wind
Is blowing down our bodies again
And we're sinking deeper and deeper in the
chilly California sand
Oh I know you belong inside my aching heart
And can't you see my faded levis bursting apart
And don't you hear me crying
"Oh babe, don't go"
And can't you hear me screaming
"How was I to know?"

I'm in the middle of nowhere
Near the end of the line
But there's a border to somewhere waiting
And there's a tankful of time
Oh give me just another moment to see the light of the day
And take me to another land where I don't have to stay
And I'm gonna need somebody to make me feel like you do
And I will receive somebody with open arms, open eyes
Open up the sky and let the planet that I love shine through

For crying out loud
You know I love you
For crying out loud
You know I love you
For crying out loud
You know I love you

For taking in the rain when I'm feeling so dry
For giving me the answers when I'm asking you why
My oh my
For that I thank you

For taking in the sun when I'm feeling so cold
For giving me a child when my body is old
For that I need you

For coming to my room when you know I'm alone
For finding me highway and for driving me home
For that I serve you

For pulling me away when I'm starting to fall
For reving me up when I'm starting to stall
For that I want you

For taking and for giving and for playing the game
For praying for my future in the days that remain
Oh Lord
For that I hold you

Ah, but most of all
For crying out loud
For that I love you
Ah, but most of all
For crying out loud
For that I love you
Ah, but most of all
For crying out loud
For that I love you

When you're crying out loud
You know I love you
-meatloaf

posted by 123454321 at 9:28 PM

Someone once said, "Experience as a Teacher is like using a Bottle to Drive a Nail". Actually, I heard that about 2 weeks ago and it was me that said it.
I say lots of stuff. Sometimes I even order carryout.
But like the delivery-boy that brings that order from the Chinese restaurant, America was looking right at me, nodding, grinning agreeably to everything I said, and only then, during an abnormal pause, mentioning that they have no idea what I'm saying. I swear most of these guys don't even speak Chinese.
You can explain something to your dog and get a more puzzled look than you will from a human that doesn't speak English. At least the dog furrows his brow and cocks his head. The delivery guy just gives you the wrong change.
George W. Bush is something like this, at least in the short-changing department.
Also I've noticed that George W. Bush if asked a direct question will respond to a completely different question that was never asked, simply echoing whatever his Republican cohorts told him to say.
“George, Did you bring soy sauce?” He replies, “Ten dollars ninety cents thank you”.
Journalist: “President Bush isn't it true that in just the first 100 days you've been in office, you've broken every campaign promise you've made, and are taking every opportunity to increase corporate profits at any expense to the American Middle Class people and with no regard for the future of America or even the Environment?”
Bush: “Every American deserves a tax cut, the rich will get a bigger tax cut sure, but that's because they have more influence than the average voter, it's the right thing to do.”
Then he runs into the kitchen and stir fries a cat. Old habits die hard.
I'm not Democratic, Republican, or even Liberal for that matter, but often, the truth can't get a word in edgewise because the ignorant won't shut-up long enough. A strategy perfected by placing their hands over their ears and yelling “La, La, La, La, La, I can't hear you!” George W. was famous for this when drunk driving since he didn't need his hands on the wheel.
The Democratic party itself isn't even full of Liberals (hence the creation of the Green party). The Democratic party is composed of Working Middle-class Americans, generally those that make under $230,000.00 per year.
Sure, if you're an informed “Liberal” you're also not going to vote Republican, but it doesn't follow that “therefore the Democrats are Liberal” any more than it follows that all Republicans are complete selfish greed-driven sell-outs of the public good in the name of making higher profits no matter what the cost to their very own country.
Perhaps that's a bad example.
It surprises me how many people don't give thought beyond the psychological advertising and Limbaugh rhetoric.

Perhaps these citizens don't realize this is the case because they're “not into” politics and no one ever made the following straight-forward plain and simple statement of fact to them.
Well here it is, not that it's going to help you now:
The Republican Party stands for extreme Corporate profits above ALL else...

Above quality of living especially.

Your quality of living if you're part of Middle America.
So expect your cost of living to increase. Expect Privatization of Energy and Utility companies to enhance and make corruption commonplace. Expect elevated pollution of your land, your air, your education, your freedom to choose...sorry, but that's the Republican way. Sure you'll suffer, that's just the cost of doing business with the Fat Cats...they saw you coming a mile away. The Republicans were prepared, you...Americans, were not.

posted by 123454321 at 10:59 PM

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
i wear my crown of thorns
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way

-NIN

posted by 123454321 at 12:58 PM

Why does Bush want war with IRAQ?
There are only two reasons, and it's actually quite simple.

1. Carlyle. Never heard of it? That's because you're a typical politically lazy American Sheep easily distracted by "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire".
You should be on a farm somewhere milking cows.
Anyway, I'll make it brief so you can read this and not miss any reality television brought to you by FOX, the people that push this crap on you while simultaneously preaching trendy verbage hawking the importance of family values. Yeah, okay.
Carlyle is one of the biggest defense contractors in the world. Its blue-chip investors include major banks and insurance companies, billion-dollar pension funds and wealthy (billion-dollar wealthy) investors.
Axis of Evil?
Carlyle's own marketing literature refers to their “vast, interlocking, global network of businesses and investment professionals” that operates within the so-called “iron triangle of industry, government, and the military” And I'll bet you thought George came up with that “Axis of Evil” thing on his own.
Carlyle is the 11th largest DEFENSE CONTRACTOR. The Bush family and many acting Republican politicians are part of Carlyle.
Is that plain and simple enough for you?
I wish Mr. Rogers were still alive to help me explain this to you in terms you might understand.
The Republicans are spending YOUR tax money on defense because that money goes south right into their own pockets.
Oh and not to change the subject, but here's another fun fact, Carlyle owns a controling interest in "KorAm", one of Korea's few healthy banks.
...and umm, William Conway Jr., former chief financial officer of MCI Communications (can you say Worldcom?) was the co-founder of Carlyle in 1987.
:::::::Tap, tap. . .:::::: Are you people awake at all?

2. Distraction. Distract the public with war while you rewrite all the laws that were protecting the middle class.
Think that's far-fetched?
The Republicans didn't.
It still kills me that the Republicans, most of which have girlfriends on the side, and are historic for pre-marital affairs, dared to attack Bill Clinton on that turf. But you see? The Republicans made the right call, the Democrats did, in fact, just sit there and allow themselves to be made fools of.
Make no mistake. Today's Republicans are nothing more than snakes; But that doesn't insure the rest of us are the mice.

posted by 123454321 at 12:05 PM

oooh oh yea It's been so long since I've seen your face
So long since I've been to first base. *strike 3 you're out*
I really miss the feel of your kiss.
But can I have back my things before I get really pissed?
You had my heart, my soul, my attention
But you walked out my life with my CD collection.
We're Breaking Up!
Breaking up is hard enough (oh oh oh oh)
Say you had nothing but I called your bluff.
You got my sweaters, my hat... I can't find my cat! *meow*
The Hardest Part Of Breaking Up is getting Back Your Stuff.
So tell me girl, do I have to say please
Or do I have to involve the police. *We have you surrounded*
There was a time when I'd trust you alone.
I'd call you up girl, but you took my phone.
You borrow stuff every time I turn my back. *hey that's mine!*
I can't believe I went out with a KLEPTOMANIAC!!
We're breaking up!
Breaking up is hard enough (oh oh oh oh)
Say you had nothing but I called your bluff.
You got my sweaters, my hat... I can't find my cat! *meow*
The Hardest Part Of Breaking Up is getting Back Your Stuff.
U plus ME, it doesn't equal us.
You took my car now I gotta take the bus.
I thought I had a girl that I could trust.
I guess I never knew my calculus!
Breaking up is hard enough (oh oh oh oh)
Say you had nothing but I called your bluff.
You got my sweaters, my hat... I can't find my cat! *meow*
The Hardest Part Of Breaking Up is getting Back Your Stuff. (x2)

posted by 123454321 at 4:26 PM

Independence Day

We drove the car
To the top of the parking ramp
4th of July
Sat out on the hood
With a couple of warm beers
And watched the fireworks
Explode in the sky
There was an exodus of birds from the trees
Cuz they didn't know
We were only pretending
And the people all looked up and looked pleased
And the birds flew around
Like the whole world was ending

I don't think war is noble
And I don't like to think love is like war
But I got a big hot cherry bomb
And I wanna slip it through the mail slot
Of your front door

You can't leave me here
I got your back now
You'd better have mine
Cuz you say the coast is clear
But you say that all the time

So many sheep I quit counting
Sleepless and embarassed
About the way that I feel
Trying to make mole hills out of mountains
Building base camp at the bottom
Of a really big deal
Did I ever tell you how I stopped eating
When you stopped calling me
I was cramped up
And shifting rivers for weeks
And pretending that I was finally free

You can't leave me here
I got your back now
You'd better have mine
Cuz you say the coast is clear
But you say that all the time

We drove the car
To the top of the parking ramp
4th of July
I planted my dusty boots on the bumper
Sat out on the hood
And looked up at the sky

posted by 123454321 at 4:14 PM

posted by 123454321 at 3:46 PM

May the best days of your past be the worst days of your future.

posted by 123454321 at 12:36 PM

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become

now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
-Evanescence

posted by 123454321 at 12:36 PM

It would be easy to say that we owe all this to the Bush family from Texas, but that would be too simplistic. They are only the errand boys for the vengeful, bloodthirsty cartel of raving Jesus-freaks and super-rich money mongers who have ruled this country for the last 20 years, and arguably for the past 200. They take orders well, and don't ask too many questions. The real power in America is held by a fast-emerging new Oligarchy of pimps and preachers who see no need for Democracy or fairness or even trees, except maybe the ones in their own yards, and they don't mind admitting it. They worship money and power and death. Their ideal solution to all this nation's problems would be another 100 year war. Coming of age in a fascist police state will not be a barrel of fun for anybody, much less for people like me, who are not inclined to suffer Nazis gladly and feel only contempt for the cowardly flag-suckers who would gladly give up their outdated freedom to live for the mess of shit they have been conned into believing will be freedom from fear.

posted by 123454321 at 9:47 PM

I have abandoned all forms and sects of the practicing Christian Church. I have seen thousands of priests and bishops and even the Pope himself transmogrified in front of our eyes into a worldwide network of thieves, perverts and sodomites who relentlessly penetrate children of all genders and call it holy penance for being born guilty in the eyes of the Church. I have seen the Jews run amok in Palestine like bloodthirsty beasts with no shame, and six million brainless Baptists demanding the death penalty without any trial at all for pagans and foreigners and people like me who won't pray with them in those filthy little shacks they call churches. They are like a swarm of rats fleeing a swoop fire, and I want no part of them. Indeed, I have my own faith and my own Gods to worship, and I have been doing it with a certain amount of distinction for ten thousand years, like some fine atomic clock with everlasting batteries.

posted by 123454321 at 9:25 PM

Marriage: A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.

posted by 123454321 at 11:26 AM

Despite all our battles
We're losing the fight
Jumping at shadows
And hiding from light
We're living in darkness
And living in shame
Swimming with sharks
And we're passing the blame
From father to son
And those inbetween
Thinking we've won
But unable to see
Forsaking the virgin
To save the unworthy
Forever we're searching
For someone more dirty
To stand by, and feel better
About being ourselves
We all know better
But ignorance sells.

posted by 123454321 at 6:03 PM

War benefits none but the buzzards.

posted by 123454321 at 5:59 PM

Reality TV... Now there's a contradiction in terms. Just how realistic is this crap? "We've picked the 7 most dysfunctional, yet attractive post-adolescents out of 500,000 applicants from across the nation to live in a fabulous house in New Orleans with our cameras all over the house to see what happens when people stop being polite... and start being watched constantly and very overpaid. We have Rick, a white supremacist from Alabama who is active in the KKK, and whose interests include breeding the perfect hangin' tree and crocheting. He is currently working on a biography of James Earl Ray. Sharing a bunk with him, we have Muhammed, an African-American Muslim who is a member of the local chapter of the Black Panthers and who also co-wrote and produced the popular rap song, 'Kill Whitey'."

What's this new one they have, Bachelorettes in Alaska? Right. Five women in full wedding gowns are really hiking up a snow-covered peak to select the perfect mate from the group of 50 desperate men waiting at the top. "Gee, I don't know... bachelor 23 has a nice igloo, but I really like 36's snowmobile..."

The Osbournes... Oh. God. This is NOT REALITY. This is a sub-reality that exists in the 50-yard radius around Ozzy Osbourne. They have a contract for something like $60 million with MTV and are the highest rated MTV show ever. Then again, their competition included "Remote Control" and some other pieces of crap.

Survivor... what's to survive? Even if you get voted off the island, you come back and co-author a book about it and go on Howard Stern and, if you're lucky enough to be a woman, you get a million bucks or more from Playboy to flash men across the country.

Reality? Well, reality is boring. That's why we HAVE TV in the first place, so we can avoid reality for a mind numbing 30 minutes or an hour, until we get up and go the hell to work. You want reality TV? Follow me for a day. Six days a week I wake up, drag my ugly ass out of bed, and go to work. I work for eight to twelve hours, then I come home, eat some ramen noodles, shower, and go to bed. Sunday, I sleep some more, then pay my bills. This is a red-letter day, folks. Then I pass out on the couch till Monday morning. Can I have MY $60 million now?

posted by 123454321 at 5:58 PM

You Owe Me Nothing

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

-Alanis Morrisette

posted by 123454321 at 5:55 PM

Why Mommy Left Us

Hush little girl, sweet baby don't cry tonight
Daddy is here and he'll sing you a soft lullaby tonight
Why can't it all be like it was before
How can I explain why mommy's not here anymore

Cause daddy likes porno and ten dollar whores
Daddy gets wasted and robs liquor stores
Daddy likes rubbing against little boys on the bus
I think that's why your mommy left us

Hush little girl, there is no reason to fret tonight
Don't mind the smoke, daddy just wants to forget tonight
Soon it will all be like it was before
Any minute she will walk through the front door

But Daddy plays poker and drinks lots of beer
Then he wants sex that involves mommy's rear
Daddy has sores on his naughty parts oozing with pus
I think that's why your mommy left us

Please don't cry, I swear I'll try
To be here by your side
Right after daddy gets home from the bar
Visits his bookie, and steals a new car
He'll drive to the strip club,
And if daddy plays his cards right
He'll bring home your new mommy tonight!

-Stephen Lynch

posted by 123454321 at 5:54 PM

A Man

I am a man as a man I've been told
Bacon is brought to the house in this mold
Born of your bellies I yearn for the cord
Years I have groveled repentance ignored

And I have been blamed
And I have repented
I'm working my way toward our union mended

I am man who has grown from a son
Been crucified by enraged women
I am son who was raised by such men
I'm often reminded of the fools I'm among

And I have been shamed
And I have relented
I'm working my way toward our union mended
And I have been shamed
And I have repented
I'm working my way toward our union mended

we don't fare well with endless reprimands
we don't do well with a life served as a sentence
this won't work well if you're hell bent on your offence
I am a man who understands your resistance

I am a man who still does what he can
to dispel our archaic reputation
I am a man who has heard all he can
cuz I don't fare well with endless punishment

Cuz I have been blamed and I have repented
I'm working my way toward our union mended
And we have been blamed and we have repented
I'm working my way toward our union mended
-Alanis Morrisette

posted by 123454321 at 5:53 PM

School Night

he went over to her apartment
clutching his decision
and she said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
so he built a skyscraper of procrastination
and then he leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window
of his reply
and he felt like an actor
just reading his lines
when he finally said
yes. it's really goodbye this time
and far below was the blacktop
and the tiny toy cars
and it all fell so fast
and it all fell so far

and he said:
you are a miracle but that is not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm lookin' for my door key
but you are my porch light

and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is but one of my truths

what of the mother
whose house is in flames
and both of her children
are in their beds crying
and she loves them both
with the whole of her heart
but she knows she can only
carry one at a time?
she's choking on the smoke
of unthinkable choices
she is haunted by the voices
of so many desires
she's bent over from the business
of begging forgiveness
while frantically running around
putting out fires

but then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?
and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is just one of my truths

so i
i'm goin' home
to please the one i so love pleasing
and i don't expect
she'll have much sympathy for my grieving
but i guess that this is the price
that we pay for the privilege
of living for even a day
in a world with so many things
worth believing
in
-Adapted from the original by Ani DiFranco

posted by 123454321 at 5:52 PM

With You

The way your father looked at me
I thought that I could die
And the way my mother looked at you
I thought that I could cry

I thought that it was over
And I thought that we were through
But time went by and I found
All I thought about was you

I wanna be with you
That's all I ever knew
I wanna be inside your mind
The way you're inside mine

I wanna kiss your lips
And catch you if you slip
If nothing else is true,
I wanna be with you

The way you act around your friends
And the way they stare at me
Convey a thought so strong
That even blind men can see

We are so very much the same
In the things we say and do
But we're still very different
And that's why I love you

I wanna be with you
That's all I ever knew
I wanna be inside your mind
The way you're inside mine

I wanna kiss your lips
And catch you if you slip
If nothing else is true,
I wanna be with you...

posted by 123454321 at 3:50 PM

You can make all the people happy some of the time, or some of the people happy all the time, but you can't make all the people happy all the time. However, it's pretty easy to piss all the people off all the time...

posted by 123454321 at 11:18 PM

I know what you're doing
I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline
When I kiss away your tears
You really had me going
Wishing on a star
The black holes that surround you
Are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion
You were so completely torn
Must've been that yesterday
Was the day that I was born
There's not much to examine,
There's nothing left to hide
You really can't be serious
If you have to ask me why
I say goodbye

Cause I am barely breathing
And I can't find the air
Don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
I don't suppose it's worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking,
What's it all about?
I used to be so certain
Now I can't figure out
What is this attraction
I only feel the pain
There's nothing left to reason
And only you to blame
Will it ever change?

Cause I am barely breathing
And I can't find the air
Don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
I don't suppose it's worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
I've come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind,
Is it friend or foe?

I rise above
Or sink below
Every time
You come and go
Please don't
Come and go

Cause I am barely breathing
And I can't find the air
Don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
I don't suppose it's worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay...
-Duncan Sheik

posted by 123454321 at 8:05 PM